Consume

Consume consume consume consume. Consume information. Consume food. Consume entertainment. Consume ideas, sensations, endless chasing of gratification of one kind or another. Consumes experiences, consume feelings, like the feeling of being in certain spaces. Cunsume alcohol and drugs, consume altered spaces. Consume extreme experiences, consume gadgets and novelty. Consume family and the experiences that are supposed to make you feel in certain ways. Consume news. Take it in, breath it in, uncritically like a sponge or aggressively like a philosopher consumes the words of her critics. Consume the stuff you need and consume the stuff you want, consume pleasurable experiences and consume challenging ones. Always needing to justify the latest consumption, never satisfied, never done. A robot, a zombie, driven forward by the desire to consume unthinking only justifying, only rationalizing. Even now as I twist open the bottle, needing but not needing, wanting by not wanting. Forever buffeted by the need to try something else, to do something else. Consuming safety and security, consuming comfort and love. Consuming status and consuming recognition. Needing it as much as the food and water, craving it to feel right, yet never satisfied when it comes, always in the wrong format or incorrect measure,- too much or too little. Not wanting to be left out but afraid to enter the conversation. Craving attention, needing its sanction. Compulsion the dominant emotion, every image sparking some other thing to be consumed, when all burnt out on desire to consume, desiring to want to consume, searching for something to get the juices of desire flowing again, needing to need, something. Satiated but never satisfied.

Craving the good experiences, fearing the bad. Afraid that the consumption will come to an end.
Not focused, not fully, on the object of consumption. Drawn to it, overwhelmed so much by expectation of consumption that the thing itself fades from view, disappears. Forever looking ahead, to the next consumption.

My environment encourages this, rewards it. Makes it more likely, harder to escape. Can I disintermediate? Find the degree of separation needed to no longer feel its magnetic pull, to be a part of the world but not trapped in it. Evaluate the hamster wheel without climbing up inside of it. Contribute to a broken society without drowning in it? Consume rationally, reasonably, without the acute need and desire, reset the endorphin levels to be turned on by sparser environments, more modest goals, lesser achievements, simpler and less figuratively expensive items. Can a brain fed on the stimulus equivalent of caviar smothered in duck fat baked into a Boston crime pie learn to content itself with broccoli, potatoes and unseasoned chicken?

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